Mother's Day 2017: Everything Comes Full Circle

October 2016 to Now

I haven't published a post since October of 2016 for any reason other than I couldn't find the motivation to keep up with something I always tried to convince myself I really wanted; however, if I really wanted it, I would have done it, that's just my personality. I want something now, and I think this is a step in the right direction... 

Mother's Day 2017

I am not a mother. I think I want to be a mother. It’s in the back of my mind, creeping not so subtly to the front. That’s probably not in the cards any time soon, and I think I’m ok with it. I’m not quite ready. Realistically speaking, I’m not even on the greatest of terms with the mothers in my life (at least the ones with which I share genetic material).  Maybe that has something to do with forgiveness. Maybe it has something to do with boundaries. I honestly haven’t quite figured that out yet; however, this post actually has nothing to do with mothers. I am not and will not extoll the virtues of motherhood, I won’t make any claims to know any great insight on what makes a good mother and what doesn’t, or how it’s supposed to be done, because I get that there aren’t any rules, so when it doesn’t turn out in your favor, I guess you can’t be that upset. Mother’s Day simply happens to be a line of demarcation in time. And what I do know is that the Friday before Mother’s Day something struck me… my time in Houston had finally come full circle. So it really was time to move on to the next thing. Everything comes full circle, even things that you don’t realize are happening while you’re in them.

Let's Go Back, Way Back, Back Into Time... 

Let’s back track for a minute. 

I moved to Houston in March of 2011. I’ve enjoyed just over 6 beautiful years full of life, deep love, inexplicable heartbreak, and life-affirming friendships. I’ve seen and done a lot of the things most of which I’m happy about, some I wish I could forget, and yet I still remember the first weekend I got here. I had moved back in with my parents at 25 after my life in New Orleans imploded, and I found myself with my cousin at Hudson (doesn't exist anymore) meeting a random person who would set the course during my time in Houston. Weeks later I would find myself in a restaurant set inside and old church. Fast forward 6 years to the present, and I would find myself in the same church having a moment. Wondering why I hadn’t been more diligent about the the things I wanted to do. 

The restaurant is now One Fifth, a new-ish Chris Shepherd concept, set inside an old church that used to be Mark’s American Cuisine. Apparently One Fifth has been around since January. Goes to show how removed from the scene I am these days, as I had no idea it was there. I conveniently stumbled over it on my way to Hugo’s after having cocktails at La Grange, (which I might add was the scene of my 30th birthday almost two years ago now, which brought back a whole other world of emotions at the time). As I sat in the same place I sat at 6 years ago as I interviewed chef Mark Cox about Mark’s and his background to write bio pieces and background information for their website. Back then I wanted to be like Anthony Bourdain, eating, drinking and writing my way around the world, but then something unexpected happened Houston captured my heart, and I’ve been enamored of the city since those first few months, and I’ve planted deep roots here. 

Houston, My Heart, My Home

I remember the day I said I would make the city mine ⎯ March  4, 2012. A whole year after I'd been in the city I’d decided that even though it was my original plan, I actually wasn’t going anywhere. I’d been out at Lucky’s Pub at a crawfish boil and Kimodo’s drinking “Nuclear Rainbows” the day before. (Word of caution: they cause nuclear meltdowns). I remember that day vividly because I walked from Buffalo Bayou to the Menil slightly hungover, incredibly anxious, and mildly brokenhearted. It was the last day the Byzantine Fresco was going to be on display for the public, and I had been wanting to see it, so I made myself go to Whole Foods on Waugh to rehydrate with coconut water and then I went to the CVS across the street to buy a toothbrush, toothpaste, and some powder, and then I walked across Montrose, making sure to take the time to really see the city… To take in and savor what I could. 

Ever since that day, I’ve been collecting stories and experiences in my time here. I’ve wanted to write a culture blog since about 2009 or 2010. If I would have started then, I would have 7 years of experience under my belt. Probably some kind of cult following, and probably some of the original things that I thought I wanted.  

In some ways I have been writing for that long, and in others I’ve been delaying reality for multiple different reasons. In 2014 I made a very deliberate decision that I was going to write a culture blog about Houston after I went on a walking tour of downtown, it was May 15th, 2014. I didn’t start it until May 12 2015, and even then I would only halfheartedly put effort in, in between events. Two years ago, I published the first post about Tastemakers on May 12, 2015. I went last year, but this year, there's no desire. Things are different now. Back then the goals were very different. In my head I was going to gain awareness and a following, and I was going to get club level tickets to Rockets games, free tickets to shows at Fitzgerald’s and the HOB, which would probably be White Oak Music Hall now. Don’t get me wrong, those invites are still very welcome for anyone who wants to provide them; however that's not the goal anymore. But now that I’ve done most of the things I’ve wanted, sometimes three times over, this is just storytelling. One individual’s chronicle set to the heartbeat of Houston, showing how I got from point A to point Z back to point A.  

Completing the Circle

I found myself on Mother's Day weekend (May 14, 2017), painfully aware of how time snuck up on me. How I know I'm not supposed to compare my life to everyone else's, but can't help doing anyway. That being said my life is about to take a very different turn. More on this phenomenon will be revealed in time. But from now on on this blog there will be a lot of going back and forth in time. It’s not a culture blog so much as a coming of age story. Remembering and reflecting and moving forward because the present lives at the culmination of past experiences and future hopes. 

Unfortunately, I don't know what the moral of the story is. Whether it's that everyone has to grow up at some point, whether it's to pursue your passions and do what you love, or whether it’s to listen to your instincts. I haven’t figured that part out yet either, so if you can decipher meaning or insight, I'm open to suggestions. Then again, maybe there's no meaning. Maybe this is just some narcissistic exercise in futility. Maybe when I'm done word vomiting to the world I won't be any closer to answers or understanding my path, but I'd be lying to myself if I didn't think that telling the story of the past six years in retrospect and the way Houston has shaped me wasn't a part of what I needed to and what I was supposed to do. I need to feel like the decisions I've made were the right ones at the right times, and everything will come full circle for everyone else too… whether they’re aware of it or not.